Frustration. Depression. Anger...Not so fast!
Arrrgh! That's how I use to feel when I hit a weight loss plateau...
Now, I know enough about weigh loss to expect the dreaded plataeu, I'm no exception to the rule, but com'on...plateauing for FIVE months?!?!! Yes! Five months! At one time I would have given up after not seeing the scale move for that long, but not this time! I'm so close to reaching a HUGE mile stone...100 LBS!! But I've been stuck at this weight since Nov. I won't lie. I was getting frustrated. But then I thought to myself, I am down 88 lbs, and that's something to be proud of! Of coarse I still want to lose more – now! Yes, there is still a degree of frustration with a plateau, but this time around I am embracing it – celebrating it even – because I know they’re part of the journey.
I no longer look at a plateau as failure... I prefer to look at them as a small success.
I've successfully maintained my weight for five months!
I haven't gained!
That is something to celebrate!
Sure, I wanted to reach my goal – yesterday, and in the past I would have given up, but my new and improved mind set is keeping me patient. I refuse to follow the same path that use to lead me to failure, I'm breaking away from the past – I'm slowly realizing that the small steps can lead to the biggest steps forward. There is no question in my mind. I know I can do it. In my mind I've already reached my goal – I'm just waiting for my body to catch up to my mind :)
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Aha!!!!!!
I love-LoVe-LOVE how I am feeling lately!
I had my "aha moment," finally! The last time I posted was 8 months ago and I've since lost 66 LBS!!! Even more exciting news...last time I went shopping I bought a shirt and a matching hoodie, I bought 2 sizes smaller than I wore at the time...I tried it on today and the shirt is baggy and the hoodie is HUGE on me! They are 100% cotton...time to throw them in a hot dryer. YES, life is good!!!! :)
Lets Go Back.
As I mentioned before, I was in the Biggest Loser program at the YMCA, but for me it was unrealistic to continue that intense exercise program and diet on a daily bases, little own for life. I think deprivation was a BIG part of my reason for not succeeding. For 4 months I ate exactly what I was told, and never wavered, so after the competition I decided to 'treat' myself and eat what I wanted... but then I felt so guilty and I craved so many of those foods I had totally deprived myself of that I went crazy. To top it off, I had the attitude that I know how to take the weight off fast, so when I gained the first 10lbs back I told myself “oh I can take it off in a week with hard work, 10lbs?, no problem!" But that never happened, I didn't do that work, and I kept gaining and gaining...by then I was soooo depressed that I had let myself go back to old habits that I gave up completely. Don't get me wrong...I learned a lot while I was in the contest, and I appreciate the people that tried to help, but I also learned a lot about myself and what works for me and what doesn't.
It's Finally MY Time.
This time around I have a totally new mind set! I CAN eat what I want and crave in moderation, and still lose the weight! It's not a race to the finish line this time...I don't have someone to beat, or a prize to win. I have learned it has to be a life style change “I” can live with. I also realize that if I splurge its “OK!” I can eat those things that were deemed taboo and not feel guilty, and most importantly, not give up when I do indulge! In a word, “planned splurges,” this has been key for me this time around. I started at 335 lbs and I am currently 269 lbs, that's a 66 lb loss so far...it has taken me almost a yr to lose the weight, but I'm not going to pressure myself to lose it by a certain time frame either, so if it takes me years to reach my goal, that’s ok!
Changes.
I started out making small changes that I could live with...I bought "light" everything, light mayo, light salad dressing, etc.,...I went back to buying healthy bread...bought sugar free ice cream and cut down on having it nightly, now its a 1 or 2 times a week treat I look forward too. Then once I did that I started losing without even realizing it! That motivated me to make even more healthy choices; I started working on cutting the carbs in at least one meal, then 2, etc. I switched to ground turkey instead of hamb...these are all things that were easy to do, even with the rest of my family, a lot of times they didn't even notice! Eventually I started walking, first around the block, then I worked up to 2 miles a day, and currently I am walking 6 miles at least 5 times a week. Making small changes slowly has really helped me, and they are all things I can live with for the rest of my life.
I'm Always Willing to Learn.
I'm no expert and it's still a learning process for me, but if this blog can encourage any of you not to give up, and to just start making small changes...I will keep posting what I learn as I go. Support is also a big part of staying on track and accountable too...I have the support of my husband, and the rest of my family! I'm so blessed! :)
I had my "aha moment," finally! The last time I posted was 8 months ago and I've since lost 66 LBS!!! Even more exciting news...last time I went shopping I bought a shirt and a matching hoodie, I bought 2 sizes smaller than I wore at the time...I tried it on today and the shirt is baggy and the hoodie is HUGE on me! They are 100% cotton...time to throw them in a hot dryer. YES, life is good!!!! :)
Lets Go Back.
As I mentioned before, I was in the Biggest Loser program at the YMCA, but for me it was unrealistic to continue that intense exercise program and diet on a daily bases, little own for life. I think deprivation was a BIG part of my reason for not succeeding. For 4 months I ate exactly what I was told, and never wavered, so after the competition I decided to 'treat' myself and eat what I wanted... but then I felt so guilty and I craved so many of those foods I had totally deprived myself of that I went crazy. To top it off, I had the attitude that I know how to take the weight off fast, so when I gained the first 10lbs back I told myself “oh I can take it off in a week with hard work, 10lbs?, no problem!" But that never happened, I didn't do that work, and I kept gaining and gaining...by then I was soooo depressed that I had let myself go back to old habits that I gave up completely. Don't get me wrong...I learned a lot while I was in the contest, and I appreciate the people that tried to help, but I also learned a lot about myself and what works for me and what doesn't.
It's Finally MY Time.
This time around I have a totally new mind set! I CAN eat what I want and crave in moderation, and still lose the weight! It's not a race to the finish line this time...I don't have someone to beat, or a prize to win. I have learned it has to be a life style change “I” can live with. I also realize that if I splurge its “OK!” I can eat those things that were deemed taboo and not feel guilty, and most importantly, not give up when I do indulge! In a word, “planned splurges,” this has been key for me this time around. I started at 335 lbs and I am currently 269 lbs, that's a 66 lb loss so far...it has taken me almost a yr to lose the weight, but I'm not going to pressure myself to lose it by a certain time frame either, so if it takes me years to reach my goal, that’s ok!
Changes.
I started out making small changes that I could live with...I bought "light" everything, light mayo, light salad dressing, etc.,...I went back to buying healthy bread...bought sugar free ice cream and cut down on having it nightly, now its a 1 or 2 times a week treat I look forward too. Then once I did that I started losing without even realizing it! That motivated me to make even more healthy choices; I started working on cutting the carbs in at least one meal, then 2, etc. I switched to ground turkey instead of hamb...these are all things that were easy to do, even with the rest of my family, a lot of times they didn't even notice! Eventually I started walking, first around the block, then I worked up to 2 miles a day, and currently I am walking 6 miles at least 5 times a week. Making small changes slowly has really helped me, and they are all things I can live with for the rest of my life.
I'm Always Willing to Learn.
I'm no expert and it's still a learning process for me, but if this blog can encourage any of you not to give up, and to just start making small changes...I will keep posting what I learn as I go. Support is also a big part of staying on track and accountable too...I have the support of my husband, and the rest of my family! I'm so blessed! :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I Love You, Cindy!
I Wish My "Aha" Moment Would Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks!
You're Worth IT! I need to keep telling myself that! I've always had an unhealthy body image. I thought I was fat when I weighed 160 in high school. True, that's not an ideal weight for a 5 foot 2 inch girl, but I wasn't breaking the scale either. I was not fat-FAT. I was about 40 lbs over weight. It was at that time I started yo-yo dieting. Like I mentioned before, I yo-yoed myself right past 300 lbs! For years I've struggled with self-worth. Outside, I come off as a confident fat girl. I struggle with why I can't I love myself enough to get healthy. Am I afraid to even try to work out and lose weight? Am I paralyzed by fear? What if I fail again? Do I deserve to feel good about myself? I know I want to, but I always seem to sabotage myself. WHY do I do that?! I watch The Biggest Loser every season, wishing I was the one on there. I even auditioned for it once. They never called. While I'm watching the show, I keep waiting for my "aha moment," you know, the one Oprah always talks about? I sit there, on my butt, watching it while eating ice cream, hoping someone on that show will say something that triggers MY aha moment. I'm still waiting.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?
When I got married the 2nd time around, I knew he loved me so unconditionally that he didn't care what the number on the scale was or what my pant size was. I loved my husband so much for that. But. Lately he's made comments that hurt me and make me question his love for me. We spent a $1000 on an elliptical, and I admittedly, haven't been on it like I should be. I'm lying, lets face it, I haven't been on it at all in a month! Then he bought me the Wii Fit Biggest Loser addition and I haven't even opened the box! Recently, he questioned me about it and every now and then he makes a comment I construe as negative. I know it's stupid, but because of that I get this "I'll show you" attitude, and I sabotage myself for control. And I don't mean control in the sense of 'the boss,' I mean control of my own destiny. I know deep down he does love ME, and he is only concerned about my health. But, it just angers me that he notices what I'm NOT doing instead of what I AM doing. I have lost 20 lbs and changed a lot of my diet, why doesn't he notice that? Doesn't he know to encourage the positive and not to point out the negative? I know he means well, really I do, so why do I continue to sabotage myself? I am still struggling with that. Sometimes I feel like there is something stopping me from what I really want. My goal seems so far away, so maybe it is the fear of failure? I don't know, but what I DO know is: I DO want to lose weight. I DO want to feel good about myself. I DO want to get control of my diabetes. I DO want to get healthy. And most of all, I DO want to love Cindy! I just need to find the motivation, the commitment, make the changes, and live a healthier lifestyle. Most of all I need to love Cindy enough to stop sabotaging myself!
You're Worth IT! I need to keep telling myself that! I've always had an unhealthy body image. I thought I was fat when I weighed 160 in high school. True, that's not an ideal weight for a 5 foot 2 inch girl, but I wasn't breaking the scale either. I was not fat-FAT. I was about 40 lbs over weight. It was at that time I started yo-yo dieting. Like I mentioned before, I yo-yoed myself right past 300 lbs! For years I've struggled with self-worth. Outside, I come off as a confident fat girl. I struggle with why I can't I love myself enough to get healthy. Am I afraid to even try to work out and lose weight? Am I paralyzed by fear? What if I fail again? Do I deserve to feel good about myself? I know I want to, but I always seem to sabotage myself. WHY do I do that?! I watch The Biggest Loser every season, wishing I was the one on there. I even auditioned for it once. They never called. While I'm watching the show, I keep waiting for my "aha moment," you know, the one Oprah always talks about? I sit there, on my butt, watching it while eating ice cream, hoping someone on that show will say something that triggers MY aha moment. I'm still waiting.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?
When I got married the 2nd time around, I knew he loved me so unconditionally that he didn't care what the number on the scale was or what my pant size was. I loved my husband so much for that. But. Lately he's made comments that hurt me and make me question his love for me. We spent a $1000 on an elliptical, and I admittedly, haven't been on it like I should be. I'm lying, lets face it, I haven't been on it at all in a month! Then he bought me the Wii Fit Biggest Loser addition and I haven't even opened the box! Recently, he questioned me about it and every now and then he makes a comment I construe as negative. I know it's stupid, but because of that I get this "I'll show you" attitude, and I sabotage myself for control. And I don't mean control in the sense of 'the boss,' I mean control of my own destiny. I know deep down he does love ME, and he is only concerned about my health. But, it just angers me that he notices what I'm NOT doing instead of what I AM doing. I have lost 20 lbs and changed a lot of my diet, why doesn't he notice that? Doesn't he know to encourage the positive and not to point out the negative? I know he means well, really I do, so why do I continue to sabotage myself? I am still struggling with that. Sometimes I feel like there is something stopping me from what I really want. My goal seems so far away, so maybe it is the fear of failure? I don't know, but what I DO know is: I DO want to lose weight. I DO want to feel good about myself. I DO want to get control of my diabetes. I DO want to get healthy. And most of all, I DO want to love Cindy! I just need to find the motivation, the commitment, make the changes, and live a healthier lifestyle. Most of all I need to love Cindy enough to stop sabotaging myself!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I'm Worth it...Damnit!
I have decided to take a new road in my life, and I'm not sure whether it's wrong or right, but I know it’s guided by truth and happiness.
Over the last month, I have felt myself losing focus of my goals. I have been struggling with depression lately, slowly but surely it feels like I'm falling apart. To make things worse, my father was diagnosed with leukemia. I'm having a hard time dealing with everything. Being depressed + plus feeling hopeless + plus my fathers illness = lots of stress. I decided I needed help, so I went to my doctor, and she put me on antidepressant. It's only been a week, but I feel like its helping. At least I'm feeling like I want to focus on "me" again.
I'm beginning to recognize the hard and fast truth: If you want your life to change, you have to change it.
This week I'm going to make a true effort to get my eating in check. I keep saying it, but I never do it, not 100% anyway. I've made some positive changes, lost 20 lbs, but I know I can do better. My plan is planning. I'm going to wash and cut up everything I need for salads for the week. I’m going to put it all in separate containers so it's quick and easy to put together. I’m going to buy lean meats, and eat the right amount of protein and the right kind of carbs for the day. I’m going to start measuring portions. Ugh, not my favorite thing to do! We'll see how this goes.
Over the last month, I have felt myself losing focus of my goals. I have been struggling with depression lately, slowly but surely it feels like I'm falling apart. To make things worse, my father was diagnosed with leukemia. I'm having a hard time dealing with everything. Being depressed + plus feeling hopeless + plus my fathers illness = lots of stress. I decided I needed help, so I went to my doctor, and she put me on antidepressant. It's only been a week, but I feel like its helping. At least I'm feeling like I want to focus on "me" again.
I'm beginning to recognize the hard and fast truth: If you want your life to change, you have to change it.
This week I'm going to make a true effort to get my eating in check. I keep saying it, but I never do it, not 100% anyway. I've made some positive changes, lost 20 lbs, but I know I can do better. My plan is planning. I'm going to wash and cut up everything I need for salads for the week. I’m going to put it all in separate containers so it's quick and easy to put together. I’m going to buy lean meats, and eat the right amount of protein and the right kind of carbs for the day. I’m going to start measuring portions. Ugh, not my favorite thing to do! We'll see how this goes.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I am the slow-moving tortoise...
Allow yourself to be proud of yourself for reaching small goals! Don't get wrapped up in "I have so far to go" - acknowledge that you have completed a small step in reaching your ultimate goal! ~Holland Striplin
I weighed myself today, and I'm down 15 lbs since I started my Journey. I've decided my goal is to not look at the big picture, but to celebrate the small achievements I've made. I'm doing what works for me and that is setting small achievable goals. So, I am taking it 10 lbs at a time! It's doable, maybe still a little daunting at times, but now that I am taking it day by day, thinking about 10 lbs at a time it is a whole lot easier then thinking about the "big" picture...no pun intended ;)
I weighed myself today, and I'm down 15 lbs since I started my Journey. I've decided my goal is to not look at the big picture, but to celebrate the small achievements I've made. I'm doing what works for me and that is setting small achievable goals. So, I am taking it 10 lbs at a time! It's doable, maybe still a little daunting at times, but now that I am taking it day by day, thinking about 10 lbs at a time it is a whole lot easier then thinking about the "big" picture...no pun intended ;)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Happiness, I miss you!
Failure is a dirty word!
I have tried a few times throughout my life to lose weight, somewhere around Sept of 2006 I decided that I was going to finally start losing weight. I got myself motivated, joined the biggest loser contest at the YMCA and started on my journey. For the next four months, things were going well. I was eating right, going for walks, working out for hours and hours at the Y and losing weight at record speeds. I lost about 75 pounds in four months. I even won the biggest loser title at the 2nd annual Grays Harbor’s Biggest Loser contest and I am ashamed to admit I also gained it back again!
I have tried a few times throughout my life to lose weight, somewhere around Sept of 2006 I decided that I was going to finally start losing weight. I got myself motivated, joined the biggest loser contest at the YMCA and started on my journey. For the next four months, things were going well. I was eating right, going for walks, working out for hours and hours at the Y and losing weight at record speeds. I lost about 75 pounds in four months. I even won the biggest loser title at the 2nd annual Grays Harbor’s Biggest Loser contest and I am ashamed to admit I also gained it back again!
I hate yo-yo's...
My struggles…
My name is Cindy and this blog is all about me. I want to be completely honest, unashamed, candid, and expose myself and my struggles. Those struggles include an almost lifetime fight with weight, yo-yo dieting, self-esteem issues, my health, and depression. I am ready to do what it takes for "me" to get off this roller coaster.
My name is Cindy and this blog is all about me. I want to be completely honest, unashamed, candid, and expose myself and my struggles. Those struggles include an almost lifetime fight with weight, yo-yo dieting, self-esteem issues, my health, and depression. I am ready to do what it takes for "me" to get off this roller coaster.
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